Tuesday, May 19, 2009

The Loss of an Angel

As I sit here deciding what to say, my heart just wants to cry out. Last Thursday, I began having symptoms of a possible miscarriage. I frantically drove to the doctor where they said everything looked fine, however by Sunday things had began to get much worse. Josh and my parents rushed me to the ER where I found out the fate of my unborn child. When the doctor delivered the news my heart immediately broke. How could this happen? Why did this happen to me? What have I done to deserve this? These were all questions that ran through my mind. Words cannot express exactly how I truly feel. This is an experience that I know I will grow from with the help of the Lord. For some reason that I don't know, God chose to take this child to be with Him. I have to remember that God knows what is best and sees the big picture. Family and friends have shown so much love. Josh has been absolutely amazing through this whole ordeal. I am truly the luckiest woman to have such a wonderful husband. Knowing that the next couple of weeks and probably months will be a struggle, I ask that you pray for Josh and I as we go through this difficult time.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Story Behind the 3 Tests

Many people have asked, "Why is the world would you take 3 pregnancy tests?" Well, here is the story behind it all.

After finding out that Suzannah was pregnant, I went by her house to see how she was feeling. She was telling me about her symptoms and it sounded like how I was feeling. Josh and I had been trying for a while (8 months all together) and decided that this month I would not take a test until May 1st. Once I talked with Zan, I couldn't wait until then. That night I woke up around 2 A.M. I decided to take a test. I watch as the line appeared in the test window, but not the "pregnant" window, so I threw it in the trash and went back to bed.

The next morning, I got up and decided to look at the test again. Note: I had taken many tests prior this one and always checked it later to "make sure". All the tests prior still showed negative. Well when I checked this one it said positive. I read the directions again and it said "wait 3 minutes before reading results". I probably waited 10 seconds max before throwing it in the garbage when I took it at 2 A.M. Then I read "don't read after 10 minutes". Knowing I couldn't trust this test because I didn't follow the directions properly, I took the second one. This is where I made the decision to use the digital test. I had been wanting to use it for when I "knew" I was pregnant so I could see the actual word "Pregnant". Goofy I know. This test was the only one I had left. I took it and waited. The results were it....PREGNANT! I was thinking, "No way!" I looked at it again and began crying. I was so excited and couldn't believe it. I ran and woke up Josh to show him. He smiled and hugged me. I told him about the test I took in the early morning and told him that I was going to go by CVS to buy one more to make sure. I bought the test and took it at school. This time I watched as both lines appeared. I was ecstatic because I knew it was true. We had tried for so long and now it finally happened. We couldn't be any happier knowing that we are going to have a precious baby around Christmas. Please pray for that this child that I carry in my belly will be safe until delivery and that we would be parents that God wants us to be. Many more updates to come. :) This is my first picture at 6 weeks and 5 days.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Wordless Wednesday

In order they were taken on April 23rd. Due date: Christmas Day :)